An Adventure at Spin Class!!

CAUTION: The following is a true story, details are graphic and viewer discretion is advised.
About a month ago I embarked on a new journey that led me to my first ever spin class. Spin class is taught by Kitty, who I now refer to as “Northside Jillian”. Upon arrival at the class I chose my bike and Kitty helped me adjust the settings and explained how to use the bike. My amazing friend Burgan, who was brave enough to encounter this experience with me, was also new to spinning and got the same instructions. So as we were getting our instructions Kitty explained that the seat of the bike would be uncomfortable but as time wears on you will get use to it (liar). And how exactly do I get use to it? Do I get calluses? Because I really do not think that hoo-ha calluses are attractive, not that it matters for me at this time, but still it just sounds icky and wrong in general.
She also explained that the seat has a section called the “horn,” it is this said section that literally jabs into your woman parts and makes you cry like a baby. I do not know why I needed to know that it is called a horn, I mean I cannot think of one horn that would ever be pleasant to sit on ( I had pictures of sitting on a trumpet dancing in my head) and believe me the horn on a spin bike is about as far away from pleasant as you can get. The actual purpose of the horn (other than pain) is to let you know if your seat adjustment is right because apparently when you are going uphill (standing and pedaling) the horn should hit just below your butt.
So now we were ready for class, well it did take me about 5 minutes to get my feet strapped into the pedals because it is hard when you have a rather large stomach to bend over and strap your feet into a moving pedal while sitting on a friggin HORN. But none the less I was strapped in and ready to go. At 6:15 with Burgan, 2 other girls, Kitty, and me the class started. There was loud music and the no lights (this is a good thing because a very dim room made me feel a lot less self conscious). I was determined to love spin class because they do it on BL so surely I can do it, too. Well by 6:19PM I wanted to die and we hadn’t even changed the resistance or started uphill yet. By 6:21 I was pretty sure that I was dead and in Hell. I have never felt such pain before, I was convinced that I was going to pass out and fall off my bike, which would be even more painful because my feet were strapped in. I tried to do the uphills but when I stood up I couldn’t pedal so I decided that I would just crank up some resistance and sit and continue to be violated by the friggin HORN. And then it happened about 15 minutes in (yes, people all that happened in the first 15 minutes) Northside Jillian said “it is your lucky day because on Wednesdays…..we do squats” My mind shouted “what the Hell” my lady parts rejoiced at getting off the horn. So I got off my bike and did squats, I don’t know how many squats because I was just focused on not dying. And then back on the bike, (which took me longer because that whole big stomach and strapping my feet in thing) and we did it all over again. I tried to keep up and Kitty was encouraging (and probably fearful that I was going to die in her class, I was pretty sure I could hear her trying to recall exactly how to perform CPR). Burgan was a rock and would encourage me as we were going. I tried to keep up but I did not try any more uphills but I DID NOT EVER STOP MOVING. After the 2nd set of squats (I do know that we added more squats each time because at the last set we did 30 friggin squats) I got back on the bike and started chanting “I will not quit”. I thought I was just saying it in my head until I realized that I was saying it out loud with ever movement of the pedals. I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit, I will not quit. It was literally the only reason I kept going through the 3rd and final sets of squats and spinning and then it was over. I really did not know what to do at that point because I did not know if I would be able to walk to my car. I was in so much pain my legs hurt, my hands hurt from gripping the handlebars, my crotch hurt, I wondered why anyone chooses to do this to themselves.
Kitty told me that I did a good job and I left the class room with Burgan. Burgan told me I did a good job. I told me I did a good job even though all I really did was sit and pedal and do some half-ass squats but I did not quit. I burned 700 calories in those 45 minutes. I got in my car and called my dad, he answered the phone and I responded with a sobbing “I just did a spin class”, I was bawling to the point that my dad thought I was hurt and needed to pull over. I was shocked by the crying and I felt like a BL contestant but the crying was from many things: PAIN, relief that it was over, PAIN, exhaustion, my violated hoo-ha, but most importantly it was a break thru, I did not quit, I was proud of myself. It was literally one of the hardest things I have ever done and there were parts that were embarrassing and shameful (strapping my feet in) but I did not give up or walk out, I did not stop when I was hurting or when I couldn’t keep up, I DID NOT QUIT. And I decided then and there that would not be my last spin class. My dad talked to me for a while and told me that he was proud of me. It made all the difference in the world.
When I got home I took a shower thinking that would help. WRONG, nothing could help the pain and soreness. I honestly believe that the pain is equal to child birth. Oh My Jesus, it hurt to stand, sit, pee, walk, any movement in general hurt. The running joke at work was that I was going to have a prayer vigil for my undercarriage. But you know 2 days later I went to Zumba and the movement and stretching helped. I will go back to spin class, probably not in my near future as I would like to focus on my stomach and abs before I go back. But the important thing for me is that I plan on going back, I know that the pain doesn’t last forever, I have talked to people who have assured me that I will not get callused, and one person that explained to me that it is good to be toned and fit in all areas of our bodies (that thought is still kinda weird to me). Most importantly I have worked out consistently ever since that class. There is no turning back this is how my life is now, I will be healthy, that I can control. Sometimes it might hurt (and I might feel violated by the horn) but in the end I will feel good about myself.
So who wants to go spin with me?

PS- I have been told that the first class is always the worst. My friend told me that if you make it thru the first class and go back you will start to love it. I kinda doubt that I am going to love it but who knows, anything is possible.