Zumba

This blog is all about honesty and hopefully to put out in the open all the crazy and inappropriate thoughts that dominate my thinking so that hopefully I can make room for healthy and positive thoughts. So here is probably my first truly put it all out there blog!
There is a reason that you do not see fat girls in exercise classes and I will share with you the reasons why (or at least my reasons). 1. No one wants to be the biggest in the class. 2. Do you really think I want to jiggle and bounce in front of you (watching me jog in place is nothing like the girls on Baywatch). 3. I don't ....I repeat I DO NOT want to see myself in a floor to ceiling mirror while I am jiggling and bouncing. 4. When I do a class I feel like a big sweaty pig and I am afraid that I smell. 5. The guys that are staring in the window (at least in my head they are watching and laughing) when they are supposed to working out on the equipment just outside of the class room. 6. How am I really supposed to pull off some sexy move, have you seen me? 7. At least I am motivation for the other girls in the class to never gain weight. 8. Who am I kidding, like this will work? 9. I am so freaking big I am going to cause permanent damage to my knee, ankle, feet just by moving around, stress fractures here I come. 10. Did I mention the mirrors, I HATE the mirrors. 11. What if they ask me to do some crazy move that I absolutely cannot do (like getting on my back and pulling my knee to my chest.....dude I am fat do you really think I can do that?)
Okay so you get the picture, there are a lot of thoughts that go through my mind and these were just a few that I had today, but you know what I somehow found the courage to face those thoughts and walk into a gym and attempt Zumba tonight. Now I did have a friend in the class (like I would go by myself) and I had made a promise so I walked through the door and did one of the craziest work outs ever. I am glad I did it and I will do it again. I was the biggest girl in the class, I did get hot and sweaty, I bounced and jiggles, I probably did not smell very nice by the end (but I was probably not the only one) and yes the guys did look in and were probably appalled by my crazy moves that I had to adjust to fit what I could actually do so that I did not die in the class but I burned 701 calories in 55 minutes.
Here is what I know about myself. I do great in classes (if I can just get over the mental crap in my head) because I will not let the class beat me and I am motivated to keep up with the skinny people so that I do not look like the failure that I am sure that they believe that I am (my thinking again). I will work my ass off in a class and not think twice about it but put in a video at home or even going to the gym I only work half as hard so I know that if I go to a class I will get a much better workout. And lets face it at this point if I just keep my heart rate up and burn off calories it will help me lose. So I will continue to go to Zumba (I am looking for Zumba classes on other nights in Tulsa if anyone knows of any and if All American Owasso will let me in because I only have a Tulsa membership). I will work on my stupid thinking and I will overcome the thoughts and I will have fun in the class. And honestly I did not see one person stop, point, and laugh........it is time to get over myself and enjoy life, especially when life includes Zumba that allows me to burn 700 calories in an hour and spend time with Brigitte! (However I will probably always HATE the mirrors, I refuse to look in a mirror while working out, just and FYI)
PS~ I did great on food today!! As Jo would say GO MELISSA GO!!