Sometimes I need to see the change..........

So I was scrolling through some pics on FB and found a picture the other day that horrified me. I was a picture of me 4 years ago...4 years and 2 days to be exact. I can not believe that I was that person, that I looked like that. It made me sad but it also made me realize how much I have changed, how my efforts are not in vain but they really are paying off. I might not see it everyday but that day I needed to see it. I'm not ready to give up or give in but I have been frustrated with this journey for the past few weeks. That being said, I took the horrifying picture and smooshed it next to a current picture, the result, well you take a gander, tell me what you think.

Yep that was me and that is me. There are a few things that are going on here but first and for most, I have a neck now.  Yesterday, I showed this picture to my friend/mentor/licensing supervisor. She said, "the picture is amazing but how much more incredible would it be if we could have taken a picture of you inside then and now." Well that really got me thinking. That Melissa, the old one, that Melissa was broken, hated herself, and was slowly day by day killing herself and was ok with that because that Melissa did not think she deserved anything better. That me didn't know how to live. That Melissa did not know that she was loved, that Melissa was miserable, that Melissa was a big ball of walking insecurity, shame, guilt, and bitterness. I can see that person, sometimes I can hear her small voice in the back of my head, but I don't know that person any longer. I don't mourn the loss of that person, I do not miss that person. I love me, now. I love the me that I am in this moment, on this journey, and the me that I am becoming. Sometimes you need to be reminded of where you came from. Sometimes you need to see it in the physical and then sometimes you need to be able to go deeper, you need to look and see the changes that go beyond the physical because honestly, this isn't about the fact that I found an actual neck, this is about being able to look someone in the eye and not be ashamed or apologetic of the person I am. This is about loving and accepting me.