Sorry I went away.....and week 3 stats 5 days lates

So I did weigh in on Sunday my weight had not changed well really I am still at 275. I didn't post because I was staying at my mom's in preparation for my wisdom tooth removal. So here it is 5 days later and I am in a ridiculous amount of pain both mentally and physically. I have been living off of ice cream and rice and beans from Taco Bueno. So I do not have high hope for week 4 weigh in which is the mental part. It has be so hard to eat healthy when I know that ice cream, smoothies, pudding, black beans, and cilantro lime rice taste so good when I can barely open my mouth. I have stuck with the lower end of the calorie spectrum part and sugar free pudding but lets be honest, I have loved every ice cream minute and that makes me sad. I am sad that I love the food that much and have turned to the Dulce de Leche for comfort. As for the physical pain......well the removal of my wisdom tooth did not go smoothly and my front teeth went through a lot of trauma so they hurt worse then the extraction site. not only that but I have some nerve damage and it is unknown how long it will last. I am numb from the middle of my bottom lip to the right corner of my mouth and down my chin. You know when you leave the dentist after having work done and your lip and tongue feel thick, fat, tingly and hot....well welcome to my mouth and it could last forever or 6 to 8 weeks. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!

I would like to take a minute and thank one Dawn Luker for being my driver and keeping me calm with my non-feeling lip/chin issues. All I could focus on was the fact that I might not feel my lip, I mean part of the reason I am losing weight is to that I will be in a place where I can be in a relationship and part of that relationship I would like to involve kissing and well I would like to be able to feel said kissing.......is that sad that is what my focus is on this issue? Well that and not wanting to dribble in public!

All that being said, I would like to say that I am planning on being back on track on Monday starting the week with appropriate foods and ending with ZUMBA (well as long as the pain is gone in my neck, jaw, and head). As always I will keep you posted and thanks for being TEAM MELISSA (or TEAM MOISHA for some)!

Zumba

This blog is all about honesty and hopefully to put out in the open all the crazy and inappropriate thoughts that dominate my thinking so that hopefully I can make room for healthy and positive thoughts. So here is probably my first truly put it all out there blog!
There is a reason that you do not see fat girls in exercise classes and I will share with you the reasons why (or at least my reasons). 1. No one wants to be the biggest in the class. 2. Do you really think I want to jiggle and bounce in front of you (watching me jog in place is nothing like the girls on Baywatch). 3. I don't ....I repeat I DO NOT want to see myself in a floor to ceiling mirror while I am jiggling and bouncing. 4. When I do a class I feel like a big sweaty pig and I am afraid that I smell. 5. The guys that are staring in the window (at least in my head they are watching and laughing) when they are supposed to working out on the equipment just outside of the class room. 6. How am I really supposed to pull off some sexy move, have you seen me? 7. At least I am motivation for the other girls in the class to never gain weight. 8. Who am I kidding, like this will work? 9. I am so freaking big I am going to cause permanent damage to my knee, ankle, feet just by moving around, stress fractures here I come. 10. Did I mention the mirrors, I HATE the mirrors. 11. What if they ask me to do some crazy move that I absolutely cannot do (like getting on my back and pulling my knee to my chest.....dude I am fat do you really think I can do that?)
Okay so you get the picture, there are a lot of thoughts that go through my mind and these were just a few that I had today, but you know what I somehow found the courage to face those thoughts and walk into a gym and attempt Zumba tonight. Now I did have a friend in the class (like I would go by myself) and I had made a promise so I walked through the door and did one of the craziest work outs ever. I am glad I did it and I will do it again. I was the biggest girl in the class, I did get hot and sweaty, I bounced and jiggles, I probably did not smell very nice by the end (but I was probably not the only one) and yes the guys did look in and were probably appalled by my crazy moves that I had to adjust to fit what I could actually do so that I did not die in the class but I burned 701 calories in 55 minutes.
Here is what I know about myself. I do great in classes (if I can just get over the mental crap in my head) because I will not let the class beat me and I am motivated to keep up with the skinny people so that I do not look like the failure that I am sure that they believe that I am (my thinking again). I will work my ass off in a class and not think twice about it but put in a video at home or even going to the gym I only work half as hard so I know that if I go to a class I will get a much better workout. And lets face it at this point if I just keep my heart rate up and burn off calories it will help me lose. So I will continue to go to Zumba (I am looking for Zumba classes on other nights in Tulsa if anyone knows of any and if All American Owasso will let me in because I only have a Tulsa membership). I will work on my stupid thinking and I will overcome the thoughts and I will have fun in the class. And honestly I did not see one person stop, point, and laugh........it is time to get over myself and enjoy life, especially when life includes Zumba that allows me to burn 700 calories in an hour and spend time with Brigitte! (However I will probably always HATE the mirrors, I refuse to look in a mirror while working out, just and FYI)
PS~ I did great on food today!! As Jo would say GO MELISSA GO!!

Week 2 Weigh In & Goals

And the lucky numbers are:
Start Weight: 277.6
Current Weight: 275.4
WEIGHT LOST: 2 pounds!! (this is good by BL standards for week 2, just sayin)
Percentage of Weight Loss: .7%
Current BMI: 48.0
Current % of body fat: 47.5
*I know I said measurements this week but I just cannot do it yet, sorry.*
Goals for this week:
1. Continue to log all food and stay below 1600 calories.
2. Do at least one social thing this week!
3. Go to Zumba Monday night and do 3 more work outs during the week.
4. No fast food. (This does not include the new Cantina Tacos at Taco Bell that are amazing and shockingly kinda healthy and work when I am in my car all day.
5.Increase water intake.
6. Blog mid week. (I have a topic that I really just need to write out but I cant find the right words so I am working on it and will post later in the week.......I know you all are on the edge of your seats.)

Confessions

I am sure that this will be a frequent title. I have some confessions to make. #1 I had at least 3 sodas this week but they were all diet and I don't think I finished a single one of them. #2 I did not keep my food log up to date, I actually only logged 3 days in the past week, however I did stick with mostly healthy foods. #3 I ate a Grandys in OKC, it was HOR-RE-BLAY (Melissa speak for horrible) but funny enough I ate it all and regretted it later. #4 I have had 1 1/2 cupcakes today along with chips and salsa. I would blame my sister for this seeing that they are the left overs from her party but I am a big girl (that is kinda funny) and I need to take responsibility for my own actions. #5 I only did one work out this week. I did have a long week but there really isn't a good excuse here, I just am not feeling working out at this moment in time.
So those are my bad confessions and here are my good ones. #1 I lost 2 pounds this week. #2 I hung out with a good friend (thanks Dawn). #3 I made plans to go to Zumba with Brigitte tomorrow night and I am not going to back out!! #4 I also made plans to meet another friend for coffee on Tuesday night. #5 I made some mistakes this week but I did not just throw my hands in the air and eat everything in sight, I accepted it and got back on track.

So those are my confessions, for every bad one I came up with a good one. I thought it was only fair. That being said, please continue to keep my accountable and follow up with me. Feel free to text or message me on FB or even email melissahueste@yahoo.com I love hearing from everyone and it has really helped me to know that I have people in my corner. Thanks!!

TEAM MELISSA!!

So if you are reading this and following my journey, I am now considering you a part of my team. I am so thankful for all of the encouraging words and support. I have realized that I cannot do this alone, which is what I have been trying to do. I want each of you to feel free to call, email, question me, and hold me accountable to my goals. I would love to hear thoughts, ideas, recipes, favorite workouts, and whatever else you want (if you do not have my phone # send me a FB message and I will get it to you). I would love to talk to each of you. I have hidden myself away for so long (this topic will be a later post I am sure) that I am now craving relationships and missing those of you that I have not seen or talked to in ages (and I am no longer considering FB as social contact). I would love to start scheduling coffee, lunches, dinners, workouts, or just hang out times with you all. So if you have time to pencil me in I would LOVE it. Thank you for being a part of this journey and more importantly being a part of my life.

PS~ I will post a status for Team Melissa each time that I update this blog just so you can keep up if you want. I will do it that way because I am still unsure about sharing this with everyone.

Weigh In & Goals Week 1

So I had a GREAT week!! Lets talk goals for a minute. I did not have any fast food and inadvertantly stayed away from soda, too. I kept a journal of all foods and only went over 1600 calories once. There is a low point I only made it to the gym once, I will work on that this week.
So are you ready for some numbers?
Start Weight: 289.6
Current Weight: 277.6
WEIGHT LOST: 12 friggin pounds!!!!!!!
Current BMI: 48.0
Current % of body fat: 47.5
*I will do measurements next week, I think that the BMI is a pretty brave addition for this week. *

Goals for this week:
1. Continue to log all food and stay below 1600 calories.
2. Do at least one social thing this week!
3. Do at least 4 workouts. (This is my struggle so I am being realistic)
4. No fast food or soda.

A Little Update.....

So I have approached this lifestyle change with a much different attitude. I do not have this big plan, menus for months on end, and I am not being hard on myself. Disciplined yes, crazy overhauling my life in one week.....no! I am not crazy motivated and gung ho on this whole process which is different than any other time I have attempted to lose weight. I am kinda just at peace. I know that I need this, and I know that I can do it, and above all I now know that I have an amazing support system. I have not felt that in years. Everyone's responses have made me realize that I could have asked for help a long time ago. I dont really know what type of help I need (insert jokes here) but I hope every one has cell phones handy for chocolate melt downs, freak out moments, and emergency exercise sessions, and just some regular hang out time and good conversations (I think this will turn into another blog topic later). I cannot thank you enough for all of the support.
Okay, on to the real update. I have done really well on the food portion of this change. I have eaten every 3 to 4 hours and have stayed in my calorie range with exception of last night when I went 227 calories over but I am sure that I laughed those off or at least sweat it all off walking to my car today. I have not made it to the gym or done any exercise of any kind this week and I am okay with that at the moment because I know that so far this week I have done what I can and I have done my best. I will get to the gym but it might not be until Friday. And I have not had a soda in 6 days, 6 days people!!!!! I have also been drinking the water in mass quantities which means that I have to pee ever 15 minutes but whatever it takes, right?

Oh if you have any ideas of activities that I should try (on a limited budget of course) let me know. I am seriously thinking that Zumba classes might be the first monthly activity.