Week of 10/4:
This is the text I received from my sister. It sent me into panic mode, full on panic mode. This is a rather funny response for someone who wants nothing more than to find someone to love and be loved in return, but alas it was my response. So I started making all kinds of accusations of the guy from the info that my sister sent me. I was mean and rude to my sister, especially when she asked me to send her a better picture. It was not one of my best moments. I finally came clean and told my sister, through email of course.
The following is said email: Hey, I did not mean to shut you completely down last night this is just a very touchy subject with me, especially now as I am trying to lose weight. Here is the deal, that is probably one of the best pics of me that I think I have. The truth is that I am fat and not really pretty, I get that. Do you know how many pictures I have sent to people over the years, a lot. Do you know how many men have ever responded after seeing my picture none, well I take that back, there was one but he wanted to meet up at some hotel.....not happening. I started looking for things wrong with this guy the second I got your email because it was easier than thinking that he was a possibility and then sending a picture only to never get a response and once again being judged and rejected on my looks rather than the person that I am. Of course if he did respond I would wonder what was wrong with him because, I really wouldn't want to date me. These are my issues and I am working on them, but I know that I was not nice or fair last night. If you want to continue with this setup I am okay with it, you can look thru my pics on the computer and find one you like, however right now what you see is what you get and if someone can't hang with that and like me fat they are going to have to wait a while because it is going to take a while to get the weight off. It does mean a lot that you were trying to set me up. I would have told you all this last night but it would have taken a while because I would have cried the entire time. I don't do well talking to others about my thoughts or feelings, which is funny considering my line of work. I am sure that he is a great guy and who knows what could happen but just know that this whole thing is a huge issue for me so when I freak out there is a reason behind it and I am not trying to be mean and I am not unappreciative especially since you are one of two people that have ever tried to set me up.
That was probably the first time I was ever able to be honest with my sister about how I feel about myself. She was amazingly supportive and she went ahead and sent a picture and my info to the guy. But there has been no response, not shocking and I am okay with it because I know that God has someone for me and honestly right now is probably not the best time for me to start a relationship, I kinda need to learn to love myself before I can expect someone else to love me.
But I would like to report that this did not send me spiraling into the depths of despair. I stayed on course and ate well and Zumbad 3 times this week as well at lost 1 pound that puts me at 275. Oh and read the next blog about my jaunt to spin class this week.
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2 comments:
First of all, I agree with you. People shouldn't judge on looks before they know the 'real' you. However, we all know that is bollocks! Everyone judges. Noone wants to admit it. The difference is on how we JUDGE OURSELVES. I will be the first to admit that I always look towards the negative before I see any positive about myself. That is the way I was built. And maybe it is the way you were built too. I can sit here and make a huge list full of negative aspects of myself. And I'm always first to say that there isn't anything positive either. But the point is, you named your blog Breaking the Fatty Code for a reason. And breaking the code means breaking those horrible habits we have and the negative outlook we have on our futures where it includes other people and their opinion's of us. You are a beautiful person Melissa. Inside and out. You have a strength that amazes me. You have gone through alot in your life that might break a weaker person. But you didn't break. You got stronger. You are there for your friends and your family and you have such a refreshing way of making bad situations better. I spent my earlier years as your cousin hardly knowing you at all. And I am grateful that I have been given the chance to know you again as we get older. You are one of the positive female role models for my daughter and you are one for me as well. When you look in the mirror, start looking at the positive things in you. Start there and maybe you'll be amazed at how much you CAN love yourself! Because I sure do!
Awww, you are so right and you almost made me cry. I sorry it took so long to see this I forget to check for comment. Thank you for your words. I want you to know that I so appreciate the relationship that we have now!!
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